Appearance
How to Win Friends & Influence People (Cardinal Editions, C 303)
I first read this book when I was 15. It struck me then and it strikes me now. It never occured to me that my presentation when speaking to someone could actually influence my ability to communicate.There are two points in particular that I remember. The first is where Carnegie describes a doctor preparing to give a presentation. The doctor was knowledgable about the subject he chose but the practice presentations he gave were not well received. Carnegie advised the doctor to pick a subject he felt passionate about and BOOM, the doctor was getting a standing ovation. Keep in mind this was not a manipulation, the doctor was speaking from his heart and meant what he was saying.The second part thst has stuck with me for 25 years was seeing things from other peoples point of view. As a fifteen year old this was a rather radical idea ! Yet, this simple concept has been one of those things that has supported me in my life in SO many ways.There is another book that I would highly recommend to you as well, "Working on Yourself Doesn't Work", by Ariel and Shya Kane. The Kanes have an approach that is both profound and simple. There are no rules to follow, no long lists of Do's and Don'ts, and no preaching. The key to their approach is Awareness. The Kanes define Awareness as a non-judgmental seeing of what is. The effects on my personal and professional life have been incredible and lasting. Do yourself a huge favor and get this book.
How to Win Friends & Influence People (Cardinal Editions, C 303)
This book on human relations, first published in 1937, is still the best on this nebulous subject of simply "relating well to others". By using these principles, you can simply change your world! Steven Covey has criticized this book indirectly because he states that it "truncates the character base". It is THE book for sociopaths who will smile, call you by your first name, and grab your money. But I did have good results with this marketing system. We had a new manager at a telemarketing company. I felt horrible mainly because it is horrible work (which is why I go out of my way to treat these people decently). Anyway, the new manager came in and walked behind us. I knew later that she was Carnegie Trained. First, she called me by my name. Bill. Secondly, she said I had a good telephone voice. And third, she made my mistakes seem easy to correct. And finally she pointed out my mistakes indirectly. Well, I felt good and relaxed. Then my performance didskyrocket in results! These are four Carnegie techniques. Now what does it matter if she "smudged" a bit. It's a hell of a lot better than being yelled at! The Carnegie system is still the world's best management system according to people whom I have interviewed. And you really only have to buy one book! If you are worried about being a "phoney", then you can buy Adam Khan's "Self-Help Stuff That Works" which is based om Martin Seligman's "Learned Optimism" and "How to Win Friends and Influence People". It's a bit tougher than Carnegie's approach, but not as pious nor as rigid as Covey's books. I do disagree with Khan on one point strongly and so would Carnegie I believe. In his chapter "Complaint Compunctions", Khan takes the position that you should NOT listen to someone bad-mouth a third person. That you should state, "I think it would be better if you took this problem to the person you are angry at." A bit tough. But I do agree with Khan and I believe Carnegie was amiss with Khan's chapter "Bad Apples". Khan claims, and rightly so, that there are simply some people you can't deal with. They are covered with mud and no matter what you try in dealing with them, you will have mud over you after trying to deal with them. So deal with them as little as possible even if they are your employees. Advice to the wise. I think that Covey's disguised criticism can be covered with Khan's chapter "Forging Mettle" which displays a "people-oriented" approach to dealing with human beings. Buy this book if you don't want to sink. And buy "Self Help Stuff That Works " if you want to stay aflaot. Good luck.
How to Win Friends & Influence People (Cardinal Editions, C 303)
I just finished facilitating a 4 day workshop on influence skills. Like many of the participants I encounter in my workshops, I secretly hope for a proven, repeatable formula for influencing people. Of course none exists. The good news - Carnegie and others have shown us that influencing others is not rocket science - the bad news - it takes a lot of energy, patience, and selflessness to build effective relationships.Awareness of self and awareness of others are two guiding principles. Forget about utilitarian motives. Influence is not about getting our way. Influence is an art. The heart of Carnegie's work is about getting excited about others. Carnegie encourages us to see others as wonderful tapestries adorned with luxurious threads of experiences. At this point techniques cease to be techniques and begin to become an authentic part of how we interact with each other.One of the reviews below shares some history about Carnegie mentioning a chapter that never made it into the book. I am paraphrasing - but the author of this review makes an important point about this missing chapter. Supposedly, Carnegie in this last chapter acknowledges the people we cannot reach. There will always be some people with whom we cannot build satisfying relationships with or influence. That's okay. No one can bat a 1000 and we have to learn how to accept our limitations and the limitations of others. Carnegie is a great coach and cheerleader. He gives us concrete practices and tools and then encourages us to discover the excitement of building stronger relationships.
How to Win Friends & Influence People (Cardinal Editions, C 303)
I read this book when I was in college and it changed my life. If you want to learn how to get along with people, this book will steer you in the right direction. A must read.
How to Win Friends & Influence People (Cardinal Editions, C 303)
Having chanced through these reviews again, I think I will force myself to re-re-read it again:-) My title says it all.I first bought this book in 1994, when I was 17. I was immediately hooked, and in applying the principles in the book, my relations with friends and acquaintances underwent a serious metamorphosis. To this day, I remember precepts such as "when you're tempted to react to something, ignore your initial feeling, and let it go". I have often failed at this, but times when I have remembered, a lot of animated anad heated arguments have been scuppered.Also, there is one particular anecdote about Abraham Lincoln having been upset with one of his subordinates whom he had asked--I believe it was his general--to do something during the 1861-65 US Civil War. His general came back with news that he had not done what he had been asked. Lincoln was characteristically subdued, but upset. He wrote a letter, put it in his drawer, and forgot about it.Later, he realised that it was a good idea that he hadn't sent the letter which was a rebuking one. Lincoln was able to resolve the issue, and reflected that had he been the man, he would probably have done the same thing.Anecdotes like that remind us how critical it is to pause and reflect on issues, without adopting a knee-jerk approach. It can literally save a lot of trouble. Just for that, I would recommend this book highly. And yes, it *is* my second bible!
How to Win Friends & Influence People (Cardinal Editions, C 303)
I first read this book in the late 1960's and it has influenced me ever since. I try to remember people's names, I smile as much as possible, as a salesman I never argued with irate customers, and so forth.I keep my copy of this book handy and recommend it to other people.--George Stancliffe